Social & educational consultant Reem Bakheet shares a moving anecdote about a little diver

I remember training a 10-year-old girl *Hana scuba diving a few months ago – her mother told me she was a brilliant kid but just wasn’t good with people. When I met her, I realized Hana wasn’t just ‘not good with people’ but suffered from a form of ‘shadow autism’. She would avoid eye contact, not respond when questioned – very deeply introverted. I was apprehensive – I couldn’t take her deep into the sea before making sure she was ready.

The training commenced; her elder sister and friends were also part of the program. I noticed something interesting: Hana would refuse to practice any of the skills I tried to teach her, but she was enjoying the pool on her own – she was hovering perfectly. I would demonstrate the skills in front of her but she would avoid looking at me. But at the same time, she was grabbing on to the skills and learning.

We soon went to the beach and that was when the ‘aha’ or eureka moment occurred. I took this little girl diving – just me and her. We were going down the rope, 3 meters deep and that’s when Hana held my gaze and pointed her finger up. She was petrified and wanted to go back up. This was the first time we made eye contact. I kept pointing down and said we are going down. I pointed to my heart and told her to trust me – gestured that my heart is with her. She kept saying no and pointing upwards nervously.

In that moment, I had to make a decision. I knew that if we went up, she would never come down again. I had to be firm though I saw tears streaming down. It’s not me to force someone especially when they’re terrified but I know one thing – if you’re frightened of something, you have to face it then and there.

One meter down, we are holding each other’s hands and I’m making sure she’s fine – she gives me the signal that she is but I can still see her tears.

When we reach ten meters, I looked at her and told her now you can enjoy the sea – swim here next to me. Hana saw her elder sister and friends enjoying themselves with the supervision of their instructor and that’s when she transformed into a beautiful butterfly! I was next to her keeping an eye but she was all over the place having the time of her life.

Post dive, we come out of the water and she comes and hugs me for the first time and said thank you. I told her I was sorry for being tough on her and why I had to be.

The lesson: Sometimes we have to be hard on people to get them out of their comfort zone especially when it’s for their own good. You have to help a child build his or her character and it’s usually the job of a teacher, parent or trainer.

What’s important is how you get the person out of their comfort zone – sometimes very harsh methods are used, which is not right. Trust is very important in this equation. You have to reach the heart first before you teach. Touch, reach and teach – this is my motto.

Trust is integral and other things stem from it. When we were in the pool, I kept motivating her, not judging or questioning her – it’s all because I knew she was different. When you know someone is different, you have to approach them in a different way. And it’s these differences that make each child special…

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subject.